Five things “I am” as I head on Vacation

I am tired. 

I am tired of covid and things constantly changing.  I’m tired of shifting and adjusting. I am tired of the barrage of information that the media expects me to engage with.   I am tired of people having all the answers and not enough questions. I am tired of our world’s tunnel vision and narrow thinking.   I am tired of a culture that is deeply divided in so many ways.  I am tired of the past 18 months.  I am physically tired from the endurance race we have all been on this past while.   I am tired of dreams delayed and hopes unfulfilled.   As tired as I am… I am grateful for God sustaining me and spurring me forward.

I am loving.

I am loving with my family and who they are and who they are becoming.  I am loving my church family and the resiliency they have shown and the ability to care for one another.  I am loving where God has brought me and my family in life. I am loving seeing God’s faithfulness in our lives over the past years and I am loving the hope we have for the future. I am loving God’s work in this world over the past season in ways I never would have expected.  I am grateful for all God has blessed me with in my life.

I am grieving.

I am grieving for the parts of the church that have communicated more about COVID than about Jesus.  I am grieved for those who are hurting and have lost so much.  I am grieving for those who are lonely.  I am grieving for the sins of our past that we continue to ignore as a culture as we continue to engage with Residential schools.  I am grieving the lack of ‘normalcy’.  I am grieving the loss of what I thought my ministry would look like after 2 ½ years. I am grieving for those who have lost loved ones recently or more distant – and are painfully aware of the absence of those people in their lives. I am grieving for those who are going through health struggles at this time – there are so many and at times it is overwhelming. I am grateful for a God who can be entrusted with all things.

I am excited.

I am excited for the coming years with my family as my oldest starts university and my other girls continue to grow and mature.  I am so privileged to be able to do life with them.  I am excited for my church and what God has in store for us.  I am excited about what my ministry holds going forward as I start getting a clearer sense of why God brought me here.  I may be grieved that things aren’t what I thought they would be, but I am also more excited about what they could be. I am grateful for the passions and interests God has given me and uses in my life for His glory.

I am Learning.

I am so overwhelmed with how much I have to learn.  So I’m investing in time and energy into learning the things I need to know so I can be better at what I do.  I am learning how to preach differently still as we move forward in our new reality.  I am learning to be better at caring for others. I am learning how to equip others in new ways. I am learning to lead others better.  I am learning so many things.  I am learning more about my relationship with God and what that means for my life.  I am learning to appreciate quiet and stillness.  I am learning to listen to the one who is the great I Am.  I am grateful for a God who speaks so I can listen and learn.